Along the way, I've been finalizing the "back cover blurb" and would like to introduce a nearly finalized version for your consideration here:
At the end of the 21st century, the stories of two young men
unfold on different worlds. On Earth, Teague Werres is born into a life sheltered
from most technological progress—longevity treatments, space colonization,
virtual reality—but his intelligence and ambition drive him to overcome his
disadvantages. On Mars, Rob Heneghan plans to live a long, easy life, in the
real world and in the virtual. He’s content just to have fun, just to get
by—until a painful loss forces him to examine his life.
For all their differences, Teague and Rob have a secret in
common: They both control NAIs, nearly sentient supercomputers, who are ready
to do their bidding. Rob’s lives in a server room, but Teague’s trots by his
side as a smart-mouthed robotic ring-tailed lemur.
A partnership that neither of them could have predicted lands
Teague and Rob in league with the system’s most powerful people. Seemingly
golden opportunities take them from urban Bangkok to Mars’s domed cities, and from
quirky asteroid colonies to Earth’s most desperate refugee camps. But when their
NAIs uncover evidence of a dangerous conspiracy, they begin to suspect—are they
being used? As Teague and Rob edge closer to the disturbing truth about who
really controls the world, each must decide how much to risk to do the right
thing for himself…and for the human race.
What do you think? Does it grab you? Would you thumb through it? Would you read it? Would you buy it? Let me know in the comments or e-mail. And please, I beg you, be brutal...
From reading your "back cover blurb" I get the feeling it's a little more serious than Rhubarb. After my husband explained what a "sentient supercomputer" is, I decided the story sounds interesting and I would pick it up to read the first page or two. Being a fan of Rhubarb already would give a little more weight to the idea of buying this book. The formation of one sentence in your blurb bothers me. It's "Rob’s lives in a server room, but Teague’s trots by his side as a smart-mouthed robotic ring-tailed lemur." Maybe, "While the NAI under Rob's command is housed in a server room, Teague's is found trotting by his side as a smart-mouthed robotic ring-tailed lemur." Or something. The other sentence just doesn't seem complete to me, but hey, it's your book. :)
ReplyDeleteAleryan, thanks for your feedback. This is why I put this on here. I've gotten a lot of comments, so the final product is likely to be very different. Writing these blurbs is a difficult task, especially when you're so close to the material. It's easy to let ideas sail through without thinking of how a new reader will perceive them.
DeleteYou're right, the book is more serious than Rhubarb, but its a story I've been thinking about for a long time. Thanks again.
Having just finished reading Rhubarb, I have every intention of reading your next book. Truthfully, I rarely read the blurbs or reviews before reading a book, because I don't want my own opinions to be influenced. I usually read reviews after I have written one myself if I feel the material was good (or bad) enough to warrant one. Then I just see if any one agrees with me or if I seem to be really off base.
ReplyDeleteHey dude, just finished Rhubarb and I'm excited to check out your next book. This pre-review thing you got going is pretty cool. So for my critique: Sounds interesting, but I can't say I'm hooked. The opening paragraph needs more background on this place in time. Is there a situation or culture that has evolved that is the reason for the stark living situations between these two characters? Or it is just the "lottery of birth"? I'd like to know what kind if past/society these character are up against. Second paragraph: Are the NAIs rare? Long lost artifacts? Like how powerful compared to future tech? Just needs another adjective in there. Third paragraph: for the fist half, I get you're painting a picture of all the cool places they're traveling to, but maybe it's going too far into detail, too much summary. I think you could afford to cut the first half entirely. Keep everything as-is after "But when their NAIs..." This really sets up the story and makes me want to read. Jerad
ReplyDeleteJerad, Thanks for your comments. Some good thoughts here. It's hard to boil down the complex concepts to just a word or two and not leave some potential for confusion. Stay tuned for another version...
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